It's So So Hard....

To see my husband is pain. It's also frustrating. It's also a blessing. Huh? I'll explain.

God willing Chad still is and will remain cancer free. I read so many stories of other cancer patients who are fighting so hard, all the time, all day long, just to rid their body of this nasty disease. Nevermind recover from it. 

I sit here in awe, wondering "how do they do it?" What Chad faces with his normal aches and pains seems impossible but these people are up against so much more. Surgeries upon surgeries, complications, chemotherapy treatments and the list goes on. How do they really manage?

Chad has always been thin but he's never really taken care of his body and I think everything is beginning to take its tole. His wrist is still sore, his knees are getting really bad, he has varicose veins in his legs that are causing him big problems, he is once again getting nauseous when he eats, he still has stomach pain and he can't sleep more than a few hours because he has had this cyst on his kidney for years that causes him incredible pain. The guy always feels terrible and it really, really sucks.

But then - I always think about 'what could have been'. Yes he is in pain but goddammit he's alive. Alive. And all things considered, doing well. So yes, these aches and pains while I wish they would ease up - are a blessing because it means he is waking up every day and he's still in my life.

I just wish it was easier for him. I am trying to get him to focus on some of the lesser things, one at a time. We'll get him some compression socks to help with the veins. I am trying to convince him to come to water aerobics to help with his joints. We will look into a new bed to see if that helps his back. (He hates my bed but I love it. It's about ten years old though so I know we need a new one. I just don't want some cheap-ass thing that will be as hard as a rock and I don't think we can afford anything decent) But we've got to try something, right? Right.

Onward and Upward.