What Your Friends With Cancer Want You To Know (But Are Afraid To Say)

I read a post on Facebook yesterday that literally brought me to tears. Chad and I were sitting in the car waiting for Haven to get off work. It took me ten times as long to read this out loud to Chad as it should have because I kept breaking down and sobbing.

I want you all to read this. If Cancer has touched your life personally, you can relate. If it hasn't - PLEASE take the time to read it. The full article can be found here. It was written by Kim Helminski Keller.

While they ALL have merit, these are the points that really touched me, personally.

1. Don’t wait on me to call you if I need anything.  Please call me every once in a while and set up a date and time to come over. I know you told me to call if I ever needed anything, but it’s weird asking others to spend time with me or help me with stuff I used to be able to do on my own. It makes me feel weak and needy, and I’m also afraid you’ll say “no.” 
2. . Ask me “what’s up” rather than “how do you feel.” Let’s talk about life and what’s been happening rather than focusing on my illness. 
3.  I need a little time alone.  A few points ago I was talking about how much I need to spend time with you, and now I’m telling you to go away.  I love you, but sometimes I need a little solitude. It gives me the chance to take off the brave face I’ve been wearing too long, and the silence can be soothing. 
4. My family needs friends. Parenting is hard enough when your body is healthy; it becomes even more challenging when you’re managing a cancer diagnosis with the day-to-day needs of your family. My children, who aren’t mature enough to understand what I’m going through, still need to go to school, do homework, play sports, and hang out with friends. Car-pooling and play dates are sanity-savers for me. Take my kids. Please.My spouse could also benefit from a little time with friends. Grab lunch or play a round of golf together. I take comfort in knowing you care about the people I love. 
5. Take nothing for granted. Enjoy the life you have right now. Take time to jump in puddles, hug the kids, and feel the wind on your face. Marvel at this amazing world God created, and thank Him for bringing us together.

Amen.

Hi Ho Hi Ho - Off To The ER We Go

Yesterday resulted in an impromptu visit to the Marion, IL Emergency Room. Chad had developed blotches on the left side of his abdomen over the past few weeks. It would come and go so it wasn't anything I was too concerned with.

He came down to my office yesterday morning to show me that not only had it spread to the right side, but it was also significantly
darker. He also told me he was having pain on his right side (everything was always happening on the left) where the blotches were. I posted to the online support group as well as we consulted both the VA Oncologist PA and Dr. Sardi's PAs - all of which agreed the best course of action would be to head to the ER because it looked like an infection.

As you are likely aware by now, Chad's Medical Coverage is through the VA - so unless we wanted a hefty bill - we had to go to their hospital, which is is Illinois. The only time they'll approve other facility care at an ER is when it is life threatening. Since this wasn't, we didn't want to risk getting stuck with even more bills we can't pay.

At the end of the day, the trip was, THANKFULLY, a waste of time! lol But it was well worth the peace of mind when not only did the blood tests come back negative for any infection, they also ran the CT Scan and it didn't show any blockages  (Or anything else to be concerned about)  which was something we were wondering about since his bowel movements are still not what they should be!

Alas, we resume being patient and let his body recover as it will. :)

Life In The Slow Lane

I posted the good news yesterday about Chad and No Chemo! Now that I am sitting down at a computer, I thought I would elaborate for our friends and family who are following this journey.

This cancer isn't new but it is rare and due to so many misdiagnosis in the early years, there's a lot left that is unknown. There are a few things we know now about this cancer that we didn't - say - 15 years ago. As with any cancer, the best chance at beating this is catching it early. Followed by ensuring your get the best treatment. That treatment depends on your pathology and that is where things get tricky.

When we left Baltimore, Dr. Sardi said chemo would not be necessary. As far as he was concerned, Chad was cancer free. The biggest fear to him, is recurrence. Some people who were in the same boat as Chad, did do chemotherapy. Preventative or Maintenance - to decrease their chance of recurrence.

I've always been of the position, that we attack it aggressively and even if it's only a 5% assist in avoiding recurrence, it's worth it. But that's easy for me to say - I'm not the one who had to do it. I've struggled with the possibility of chemo from the day we heard no lymph node involvement! Had there been cancer invasion there, chemotherapy would've been required. Due to it not spreading - it ended up being a personal choice. Chad's choice. And he didn't want it. (Who would? I hardly imagine anyone goes to sleep at night hoping they get to try some chemo in the morning)

My fear? That his fear would hinder his chance at remaining cancer free. So I put thought into it. I put research into it. And I put prayer into it. I decided not to push it. Go with the flow and see what the Oncologist said. When he said there was less than 1% benefit - it seemed a no brainer. For all we know, since so little is known about appendix cancer - it would've hurt more than it helped. Chad already has so many issues to deal with, no sense adding potentially devistating side effects to the plate because let's face it - Chemo is hard on the body.

So our plan?

In three weeks we will return to Illinois where they will perform further blood tests and a CT Scan. They will use this CT Scan to compare it to his future scans for cancer and also to make sure that everything has gone back to where it is supposed to.

Then he will continue to have his blood work every 3 months and CT Scans every 6, in hopes that we never ever, ever, ever, EVER see this godawful, hateful and disgusting disease again.

In the mean time, he has some new pain medication that is supposed to speak to his brain and tell it to stop recognizing this scar tissue as something hurtful. God willing, Chad continues to get a little better day by day and within the next 6-8 weeks, real life resumes.

Financially speaking, it's going to be very, very tight. So that's a concern but we'll work through it! if anyone in Murray has any side work that doesn't require him to bend or lift anything heavy, Let us know! (Ha ha)

Many thanks to those who still follow along with these far-too-long-and-too-informed blog posts. We appreciate your love, prayers and support!

Sincerely,
Chad and Shan